Desire

I have been reading William B. Irvine’s On Desire: Why We Want What We Want and it is has started me thinking. The Buddhists say that desire is at the root of all human suffering and Irvine’s book lends credence to that. He has an interesting approach to the subject — analyzing it, finding scientific explanations, tracking the psychological evolution of desire and finally discussing how we can go about dealing with our desires.

I’ve often wondered about my own desires. I am not overly drawn to material things yet those things I am drawn to, I am drawn to powerfully. Nowhere is this more obvious than with fabric and yarn. My stash could rival the best of them and yet I am always keeping an eye out for an irresistible new acquisition opportunity.

There is a memory from childhood that I’ve thought about over the years. I don’t know how old I was — maybe 9 or 10 — and I was looking through one of my mother’s magazines, Woman’s Day or Family Circle. In it was an article about funky play wigs made out of rug yarn that mommies could make for their little girls. I can still see them in my mind’s eye — one was yellow with long braids and another was a black Geisha-like updo. I wanted those wigs so badly! The longing for those wigs — all of them --- was overwhelming. I knew my mother wasn’t the craftsy type and would never make them and I couldn’t imagine who in my world would be capable of making those for me but I just HAD to have them.

This huge desire only lasted a day or so and I soon forgot all about it. A few years later I was throwing out stuff and I came across that magazine which I hoarded in a drawer. I remember looking at those wigs and thinking “why did I want those?” That’s the nature of desire.

Irvine has an interesting chapter on studies done with people who have suffered various types of brain damage that separate communication between the two hemispheres of the brain. We have long known about our bicameral brains, the right-brain/left-brain functioning, but understanding how the two halves of ourselves effect our everyday life is still mysterious. One of the most intriguing things Irvine talks about is the strange dichotomy between the decision-making powers of our two brain spheres.

When we desire something our brain just goes to work trying to figure out how to get it. This frequently involves making decisions that will facilitate attaining our desire. We think that if we could just analyze all the facts unencumbered by emotion and desire we could make the right decision but studies with people who have lost connection to their emotional brain function have shown this is not the case. People whose left brain functions perfectly, without the interference of the emotional-intuitive right brain, can analyze data endlessly but frequently have difficulty coming to a conclusion. They become so overwhelmed with all the facts, the variables in the facts, and extraneous facts that impact the original set of facts, that they become like a computer that is hung up in an endless loop of data with no end in sight. It is only when the emotional-intuitive side of the brain steps in and says “enough” that they can make the decision they need to make.

I’ve always said that I don’t really trust my intuition but I’m starting to rethink that. I’ve made some very good intuitive decisions. It is only when I try to apply logic to my desires that I get muddled up. In many senses desire is a compass pointing to the mid-point between our logic and our emotion-intuition. Desire, carefully nurtured and tended, points us in a direction that will both satisfy our logical selves and delight our emotional selves. I didn’t really want those wigs — but I did desire the ability to make such clever things.

And heaven knows I’ve got the yarn!

Thanks for reading.