What’s Everybody Talking About?

“Did you talk to Dave?...Yeah...I don’t know.... what did he say?...what did he say?....I said what did he say?...he told you that?....yeah....yeah he told me....I don’t know.... you should call Greg...huh?...I said you should call Greg....he did.... what did he say?”

The preceding is a loose recreation of five minutes of conversation — at least one side of a conversation — being conducted via cell phone by a guy less than three feet away from me at the dock the other day as he unloaded food and other supplies from his SUV preparatory to taking a spin on his boat. I wasn’t eavesdropping, in fact I was doing my darndest to NOT hear him but the guy, who was probably thirty at most, was determined to give everyone in the area the pleasure of listening to him discuss Dave and Greg with his friend who was, presumably, mowing the lawn or some such noisy activity. I guessed that from the number of times he had to repeat himself.

There were a lot of people there but I think I was the only one who heard it because I was the only one not yakking on the phone. I was trying to read.

There was a woman on the other side of me equally engrossed as she rearranged the contents of her trunk. “I told you that would happen.... yes I did... I don’t care... no it doesn’t.... I told you not to tell him... well, of course... that’s what happened the last time... yes, it did... you just forgot... I’m not the one with a problem... well, you wanted to tell him...” on and on and on. Raymond Carver would love it.

What on earth is all this talk that is going on? It seems that no one these days is capable of driving, shopping, taking a walk, or lying on the beach without a cell phone glued to their ear. I don’t go to the beach anymore at peak times because I can’t handle all the one-sided conversations.

And the pitiful thing is — they’re all stupid! It would be different if the discussions were about anything worth listening to but it’s all just endless repetition between two people too busy to stand still and listen. I don’t get it. I remember years ago when I was working in downtown Boston and the very first cell phones were coming into vogue. I was walking down Milk St. behind a guy who was telling his buddy about everything he had to do to get a pair of tickets to an upcoming Red Sox game. It was fairly entertaining and it was very clear that the guy was having a wonderful time showing off both his Red Sox tickets and his cell phone. All of us on the sidewalk with him had a great time.

But the conversations now are just dumb. “I sez to him... he told me ... she talked to Annie who said...” blah-blah-blah all gossip, and boring gossip at that, about people I don’t know. Where’s the fun in that?

I understand the need for cell phones. I used to have one but gave it up when I realized I hadn’t used it for anything other than ordering Chinese food on my way home in months. I don’t cross the bridge often enough to worry about getting stranded somewhere. I think it is good for parents of kids old enough to be roaming around on their own and those who travel a lot but all this mindless conversation while shopping or laying on the beach is depressing. When do people have time to think???

Why are you laughing?

Thanks for reading.