The New Neighbor

Shhhhhh, we are getting a celebrity in the ‘hood. Well, okay, it’s not exactly the “‘hood” because he is moving to Manchester-by-the-Sea which is about five miles down the road. And he’s not exactly a celebrity (I will refrain from being tacky enough to use words like “in his own mind”), I suppose the correct term would be “radio personality”. Anyway, popular radio shock-jock Jay Severin and his wife Renee just bought a $2+ million estate in Manchester-by-the-Sea and everyone is keeping it a secret — everyone.

First of all, let me say that Manchester-by-the-Sea only became Manchester-by-the-Sea a few years ago. It used to be just plain old Manchester but, I guess the locals were afraid it would get confused with Manchester, New Hampshire which is not by the sea and should probably change its name to Manchester- by-the-Airport. Beverly, which is the next town past Manchester-b-t-S is considering changing its name to Beverly-by-the-Depot, since its train depot is a large feature of the town. This, of course, presents a dilemma for Gloucester. So, I guess we’ll consider the old stereotype and change our name to Gloucester-by-the-Smell though that might be inaccurate because, since the decline of the fishing industry, there aren’t as many fish to smell. Maybe Gloucester-by-the-Way.... well, who knows.

So anyway, the former Jimmy Severino of talk radio fame is moving here and, gosh, won’t that be exciting? Actually, probably not. But there’s always that possibility that you will see him buying dog food in Crosby’s some day or having an almond-crusted, fried brie in one of the local eateries. I’ve seen John Updike in a nearby Chinese restaurant a couple of times. He’s managed to live in Beverly Farms for years now without causing too much of a traffic jam. And John Updike, at least in my book, is genuinely worth at least a moderate fuss. I always want to thank him for Seek My Face. I took a summer workshop with Lee Krasner when I was in school and his book brought the memory of her back so vividly to me.

I honestly don’t get the fuss about celebrities. There are a few I’d like to wind up sitting beside on an airplane — mostly writers — but my feeling is that they are, for the most part, people who have done something either very, very well or very, very noticeably and that is to their credit (or not in some cases) but it doesn’t mean they are magical (other than Stephan King — he might be). Mostly I either admire their success and am open to any clue they want to pass along, at least in the case of writers, or don’t know who they are. Not being a television watcher, I miss a lot that way.

I’ve listened to Severin on and off while I work. He cracks me up sometimes. His political views seem to rely on a high degree of extremism — he either wants to flay them alive (Bill Clinton) or suck their toes (Mitt Romney). He flip-flops but that isn’t unusual in shock-jocks, it’s all part of the act. I have to confess I’m dead tired of his ladies-man act. That was entertaining a decade or more ago but there’s little more tiresome than a middle aged, goofy-looking, married father going on and on about the physical charms of women a third of his age. But I think there are a lot of folks who like it — mostly other middle-aged, goofy-looking, married fathers who wish they get away with it. Yesterday, Severin was ranting about the impossibility of Barak Obama succeeding in higher politics because his middle name is “Hussein” — not something he chose. Well, gee, Jimmy Severino, what would your solution be?

But I have to knock it off because we are now sort of neighbors. So, neighbors, lock up your young wives and daughters, Jay Severin is in the ‘hood. That howling we used to think was coyotes back in those woods, well, it’s the big, bad wolf. All you fit, attractive, young ladies are in luck — it’s J-man-by-the-Sea time.

Thanks for reading.